On perfectionism.

I have a somewhat anxious personality. I worry a lot. Recently this anxiety has been manifesting itself as extreme perfectionism. I basically freak out when I don't do something perfectly - which is most of the time!

Once, a few years ago, one of my bosses told me I was lazy. That's the sort of thing that sticks with me. Because of my responsibilities I work longer hours than almost anyone else; yet every evening when I walk out the office door I still worry that I haven't done enough work. I feel like I need to always justify myself, and I rate my abilities well below that of my colleagues.

In the weekend I finally got my first job on Upwork - YAY! It should have been cause for celebration. Instead I freaked out because after I'd finished the work the client gave me a rating of 4.45 out of 5.

At first I thought this perfectionism was just me being driven. But it's not. Perfectionism comes with a nasty voice tone that constantly says: You're not good enough. Perfectionism will never be satisfied, no matter what I do. Perfectionism never celebrates success.

I'm glad I've recognised these thought patterns early before they rage out of control and ruin any joy in my life! Last night I opened this book, which I highly recommend for anyone struggling with perfectionism. It talks about dealing with the "inner critic", the harsh internal voice that plagues many people - but especially high achieving women.

This morning I'm reminding myself...
I believe in myself.
I've proud of how much I have achieved in the past seven months.
I'm walking confidently towards my goal.
I will succeed.